I Don’t Feel Like That

With focus on death of a partner or spouse I think it’s important to add that we are all different and we all have our own thoughts and feelings that are unique to us. Some people find it easy to talk and share feelings whilst for others it just isn’t something they feel able to do. If you watched Rio’s moving documentary on BBC about his journey and how he has struggled to find ways to manage the enormity of his wife’s death you may be left thinking that he is ok or that he has support now and you may be thinking that it’s too difficult to start to access support. Or maybe there doesn’t seem to be support in your area ? So what can you do?  There are lots of ways that you can begin to communicate your feelings and to share with others in the family. It can be painful to remember, scary even but it can also bring huge comfort. I remember working with a young parent who said … I’m so afraid that if I start to share or cry I just wont stop. If the children see it they will be afraid.  It took me a while to reassure that actually remembering and crying together can bring comfort.   Photographs and personal belongings of your loved one can provide a  talking point. I encouraged families to share together , make photo albums and share their own special memories. Help and enable children to build a continued bond with your deceased loved one – they are still mummy or daddy. Help them to remember and to grow with the memories. Children change all the time and as they get older memories may be lost.Have special remembering time together cry and laugh too. It’s a long journey , don’t expect too much – a step at a time and remember you can only do your best .

There are lots of agencies out there that can be contacted via email or telephone who will be able to offer support  You can find these by putting child bereavement into your address bar.Two that we recommend are

Child bereavement UK has offices across the UK


UK Winston’s Wish based in London has a very good website


Your GP may also be able to refer you for family support. Whatever you decide remember one size doesn’t fit all and it really has to be about you and how you feel.

You can also  of course write to us in confidence