Being Yourself In Grief

Your Grief is Individual and Unique 

We are all individuals and how we feel, think, function, is unique to each and every one of us. Not every one feels a certain way or holds a certain belief, each manages their situation from wherever they are on their personal journey,drawing upon whatever life experience they may have. This is to be regarded and respected and each of us should be aware that our needs may not be the needs of another and that how we see life from our own frame of reference  may be very different from the views of another.

This is why I don’t agree with compartmentalising individuals, with stages and expectations as though bereavement is a pre planned process that each must pass through , completing it’s course.  I believe that there is only one way to face whatever we have to in life , our own way. As individuals it is fundamentally important that we accept ourselves and give ourselves permission to be however we need to be,drawing on the life skills and personal experience , intuition and whatever inner beliefs and blends that we can. Alongside this it is useful to be able to openly and unreservedly express ourselves without fear of judgement or external pressure to conform to a certain pattern .

How each of us reacts to any situation will depend on many varying factors and whilst one person may express their feelings in outward display of emotion another may feel unable to. This difference doesn’t mean that one person is doing it more capably than another. Whilst one may feel their grief to be more manageable after a short time another may not achieve this for a longer time. I want to convey to each and every one of you that however you are feeling whatever you are thinking it is to be regarded , it is individual , you are unique . Draw upon the support of others,avoid telling others how they should or shouldn’t be feeling , be aware of differences .Those of you that have found strength in a certain belief  for instance should avoid assuming that others share your view ,We are all different I receive endless letters from individuals who believe that they ought to be doing this or that , or , more commonly ,’ be over it by now ‘. It angers me greatly that somewhere society places such pressure onto the bereaved to get on with life , to be normal ( Whatever that is ) and to conform to some sort of pre set grieving schedule.This even extends to expectations of employers and return to work demands.
Recognise your individuality , your unique self and the impact of your loss and allow yourself permission to move within  your sorrows at your own unique pace .
Take Care

Alex

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