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[steph17]

Hmmmm I dont know where to start....

Im 17 and lost my Grandad when I was 15. We were really close and losing him was the hardest thing iv had to deal with. He was only 66 and died of cancer in 2008 after 5 months. I kept everything to myself because I felt I needed to be strong for everyone else, so it ate me up inside whilst I held a brave face and that what I was thinking was my problem therefore I should be the one to deal with it, no one else. I dont know how I feel about it because iv never really told anyone. I pushed everyone away and didnt see my family for a year after he died. I used to cry myself to sleep alot because that was my way of relieving the pain that I held inside throughout the day as iv never been one to cry in front of others, and I wont ever be, so in the comfort of my own room is when it hurt the most. I cant think about him at all without crying, so I find it best not to think about it, but I dont want to think iv forgotton him. He meant alot to me, more than most other people. This town and everyone / everything in it reminds me of him and I hate living here now. I was thinking of joining the army next year just to get away fom this place. I miss him so much