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[Christopher]

My mum died suddenly on 25th June 2010. I was her carer  and even though I knew she was ill I had no idea just how ill she was. Her death in hospital came as a great shock and although I was with her we never had a chance to say goodbye. I feel so guilty about the times I was irritated with her and how I spoke sharp to her and the dreadful thing is I can never say how sorry I am about this to her.I have agoraphobia and the panic I feel now I am alone is awful. My mind keeps going back to the week before she died and the day she died and I feel just hopeless. Does this feeling of guilt ever go away? I am trying to go for walks but my mind is on Mum all the time. I just miss her so much there is just a terrible feeling of emptyness. Does anybody have any advice?         

[JillB]

Christopher, writing about your feelings is a great start.Others here who have experienced similar situations will hopefully tell you that you are experiencing very normal reactions - even though they seem so awful to you.
You say that you have some problems - I wonder if you have sought any help in dealing with your agrophobia- maybe a gp would be a good place to start. Sometimes it seems as though what lies before us us an insurmountable mountain, but if we chip away at it rock by rock instead of trying to knock the entire mountain over in one go, we may eventually make progress.

Allow me to share this wonderful verse with you

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -
You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt -
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Unknown

[Christopher]

Hello Jill,     
             Thank you for your kind words of comfort and the moving verse. I have seen my gp about my agoraphobia and I have to take one step at a time. I will try to cope with the guilt I feel, I miss mum more each day but I will try to carry on as I know that is what she would have wanted.   
                                                               
                                                               Kind Regards,   
                                                                Christopher.