In Loving Memory Choosing and placing a memorial ...
The placing of a head stone or memorial stone is a very hard and emotionally draining act, rarely prepared for and not as openly discussed as it ought to be.
Some people may want to place the stone as quickly as they can , others feel unable to do it.It can take a very long time to reach a place where there is capacity to choose and word the stone or memorial object. It can feel very final and in many ways it is the final public acknowledgement of who the loved one was .
Finding words can be incredibly difficult.Sometimes families tell me they want to arrange the headstone but just can’t and they fear what others think.
” It’s been a year and they haven’t put the stone up yet ”
Sometimes the feelings provoked on first sight of the monument in ‘situ’ can be quite unexpected and overwhelming .
There might be an air of expectancy,even excitement at finally seeing the memorial but that as they approach the place they feel devastated . There it is staring them in the face the reality , their statement of fact that their loved one is gone , was born and has died.Here is the proof of their being.
In my experience ,when any special date or occasion is looming it is better to embrace it Once you have chosen the stone and wording a date will be given for the placing of the stone , you may wish to be present at the setting . Some families hold ceremonies or have a family gathering for the occasion , sometimes the date is arranged to coincide with anniversary or birthday .Whatever choices you make ,plan and allow time and space for your self to be simply as you need to.
Give yourself permission to indulge in whatever you feel, allow time to spend at the place, take tissues, bottled water, a fold up seat if you wish so that you can be as comfortable as you are able.
Being prepared will help reduce your anxiety.
If anyone feels able to share their personal experience please do . It is always encouraging and a relief to know that feelings and thoughts are shared .